Helping Loved Ones with Dementia at Mealtimes

Mealtime is more than just eating—it’s a time to connect, feel comfort, and stay independent. For people living with dementia, eating can sometimes become a challenge. That’s why it’s important to help them keep their abilities for as long as possible.

Some people with dementia can still feed themselves but may need a little reminder. A gentle cue like, “Take a sip of your juice,” can go a long way. Others may need more help—like having their food unwrapped or being handed their spoon or fork.

What matters most is giving just the right amount of help—not too much, not too little. When we step in and do everything for them, even with good intentions, they may lose skills faster. But when we let them do what they can, we help them stay stronger and more confident.
So, at mealtimes, take your time. Offer help when needed, but also give them space to do things on their own. It’s a small act of care that makes a big difference.

Caring Goes Beyond the Plate

While we’re supporting their independence at the table, we also need to think about what they’re eating and drinking. That brings us to another important part of mealtime care—nutrition.

Don’t Forget Nutrition

Mealtimes are also a great chance to check on their overall health. Making sure your loved one is eating the right kinds of food and drinking enough fluids is very important. As dementia progresses, people may forget to eat or drink, or lose interest in food altogether. Poor nutrition can lead to weight loss, infections, slow healing, and more.

Try to keep meals enjoyable and relaxed. Offer favourite foods when possible, and encourage small sips of water or juice throughout the day. It’s not just about feeding the body—it’s about caring for the whole person.

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S – Sharing with Others Helps Build Better Care Together

S – Share With Others

This is the last step in the CARES® Approach. Sharing with others in dementia care is very important. It helps the whole care team stay on the same page and give better, more consistent support. When you take the time for sharing with others in dementia, it helps the person feel more understood and supported. It also brings the care team closer, building trust and connection. This step can make a big difference, and knowing why it matters will help you see how powerful sharing with others in dementia can be.

When you share, keep these points in mind:

• Clearly explain what you saw and what you did.
• Talk about what worked well and what was hard.
• Give details that can help others support the person better.
• Even small details can make a big difference.
• Make sure to share with kindness and understanding.

Sharing with others in dementia care isn’t just about passing on updates — it helps the whole team work together so the person feels cared for and safe.

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E – Evaluate What Works to Bring Comfort and Connection

E – Evaluate What Works

The fourth step in the CARES® Approach encourages us to gently reflect on what truly helps in a caregiving moment. It’s about noticing the small actions that bring calm, comfort, or clarity to someone living with dementia. This step is all about evaluating what works in dementia care—not through checklists or judgment, but through presence and understanding.

Here are some key insights from this step:

Connection is at the heart of care. How we speak, listen, and respond shapes how supported the person feels.

Tone, timing, and body language make a difference. A warm voice, a patient pause, or a kind smile can help someone feel safe.

Being flexible is important. What helps in one moment might not work in the next, and that’s okay. Adapting with care is part of the process.

Patience goes a long way. Giving someone the space and time they need can reduce anxiety and build trust.

Even small actions have meaning. Gentle redirection, validating feelings, or simply being quietly present can have a big impact.

Whether you’re a professional or a family member, evaluating what works in dementia care helps you grow in confidence. You begin to understand what soothes, what connects, and what empowers. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present.

Example: Jeanne and Ann

In a meaningful interaction, Jeanne, a manager, spends time with Ann, who is living with dementia. Their moment together shows the heart of evaluating what works in dementia care.

• Jeanne approaches Ann with calm and kindness, giving her time to respond without pressure.

• She listens with care and adjusts her tone to match Ann’s pace and comfort level.

• When Ann becomes a little unsure, Jeanne gently guides the conversation instead of correcting her.

• Her body language is open and reassuring, letting Ann know she’s truly being heard.

This is a beautiful example of supporting someone with dementia through patience, warmth, and adaptability. It also highlights how caregivers can learn by simply observing and reflecting on their interactions—core parts of evaluating dementia care.

In the end, evaluating what works in dementia care isn’t a task—it’s a mindset. It means staying open, curious, and always willing to grow with the person you’re caring for.

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R – Respond with Care When Connection Is Hard

R – Responding with Care

This step in the CARES® Approach is all about using what you know and what you’ve noticed to respond in a way that feels right for the person you’re caring for. Every person living with dementia is different, and responding with care—with patience, gentleness, and understanding—can make a meaningful difference in how they feel.

When Connecting Feels Difficult

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, connecting just doesn’t seem to happen. And that’s okay. There may be things going on that makes it hard for the person to engage or respond. Some common reasons might include:

• Physical discomfort such as pain, hunger, thirst, or the need to toilet
• A new medication
• Not feeling well or feeling tired
• A noisy environment
• Feeling too cold or too hot
• Participating in a task that is too difficult cognitively or physically
• Not understanding the language being spoken
• Feeling anxious

This is where responding with care truly matters. Taking a moment to pause, breathe, and gently observe can help you recognize what might be happening beneath the surface.

Responding to dementia with empathy isn’t always about fixing the problem—it’s about offering a calm, supportive presence that helps the person feel safe. Even when responding to dementia feels challenging, your thoughtful approach can provide comfort in moments of confusion or frustration.

At the heart of it all, responding with care means tuning in, being present, and showing kindness—even when words or understanding fall short.

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A – Assess Behavior to Find the Meaning Behind the Changes You See

A – Assess Behavior

The second step of the CARES® Approach is to gently assess behavior. When someone is no longer able to speak or clearly express their thoughts, their actions often become their voice. That’s why it’s so important to assess behavior with care—it can reveal what words cannot.

If your loved one is acting in a way that feels different or unusual, pause and look for subtle signs. These may be signs of discomfort—perhaps they’re in pain, feeling too warm or cold, or simply need to use the bathroom. It might also be something as simple as needing their glasses or hearing aid.

When caring for someone with unusual behavior in dementia, try to step back and gently observe.
Ask yourself:

What was happening just before, during, and after the behavior? Could this offer a clue?

Where did it happen? Could the surroundings have played a role?

When did it take place—what time of day or day of the week? Some moments are more challenging than others.

Who was around? Sometimes, the presence or absence of a person can affect how someone feels.

These small details can help you assess behavior in a thoughtful, supportive way. Even when there are no words, there is still communication without words—through movement, expression, and actions. And the more you observe with kindness, the more clearly you’ll begin to understand what your loved one needs.

Taking time to assess behavior not only helps you respond more effectively, it also builds trust and brings comfort to both you and the person you’re caring for.

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C – Connecting with the person

C – Connect with the Person

“Connect with the person” is the first step in the CARES® Approach to dementia care. To truly connect with someone living with dementia, it helps to know a bit about who they are—their likes, their memories, and what makes them feel at ease. Once you understand that, you can choose a way to connect that fits both the person and the moment.

Keeping the Connection Going

In daily caregiving, it’s not just about saying hello and starting a task. It’s about building a connection and keeping it going through every step of the interaction. This is one of the key parts of communication in dementia care—staying present, gentle, and personal.

Let’s say you’re helping Mr. X get dressed. A good way to begin is by bringing up something familiar or comforting—maybe a walk you both took recently. You might say, “Remember our walk the other day? We saw that big tree near the river.” Or you could look at his feet and gently ask, “How do your feet feel? Are they cold? Let’s get some socks and shoes on.”

This kind of simple, friendly talk is what makes communication in dementia care effective. It keeps the person calm, engaged, and feeling safe.

As you continue helping him, keep that connection alive by asking questions about things that matter to him. For example:

Do you like walks?
What is your favorite tree?
Did you ever go boating on a river?
Do you know anyone who likes to go bird watching?

These small conversations are more than just chit-chat—they’re powerful tools in communication in dementia care. They help the person feel seen, respected, and comforted—and that’s what real emotional care is all about.

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Adjust Your Approach

When interacting with someone who has Alzheimer’s disease or a related form of dementia, it’s essential to focus on their abilities—not just their limitations. Every person experiences dementia differently, and your approach should reflect what they can still do, feel, and enjoy.

Adjusting to Their Abilities

People living with dementia often experience gradual changes in memory, communication, and daily functioning. As a caregiver or loved one, adjusting your expectations and communication style makes a big difference. Before interacting, think about what you know of their current abilities. Are they still responsive to music? Do they recognize certain faces or enjoy simple routines? These clues help you shape meaningful and supportive interactions.

It’s important to remember that just because someone can no longer speak clearly doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy themselves. Smile, body language, and emotional responses are still powerful forms of expression. Even nonverbal individuals may enjoy activities like listening to music, folding towels, or sitting in the garden.

The Importance of a Person-Centered Approach

Every interaction should be guided by empathy and flexibility. Speak slowly, maintain eye contact, and use simple language. Pay attention to their responses—verbal or nonverbal—and adjust as needed. When someone is confused or frustrated, a calm and reassuring tone can go a long way.

Supporting someone with dementia also means allowing them to participate in tasks they’re still capable of. Break down activities into smaller steps. If they can’t complete a task on their own, assist just enough to help them succeed without taking over entirely. These small wins help maintain confidence and dignity.

Understanding Dementia Progression

Not all types of dementia progress in the same way. Alzheimer’s disease, for example, typically moves through gradual stages. However, it isn’t always clear when one stage ends and the next begins. A person might show signs of different stages at once or move back and forth in ability from day to day.

This unpredictability means caregivers must stay flexible. What works one day may not work the next—and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection but presence. Being there with patience and understanding matters more than getting everything “right.”

Every Moment Matters

People with dementia may lose some abilities, but they don’t lose the need for connection, joy, and purpose. Simple, familiar activities can bring comfort and create moments of shared joy. These moments—no matter how small—add up to a better quality of life.

By adjusting your approach, focusing on remaining strengths, and staying open to change, you can support someone with dementia in meaningful and respectful ways.

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Helping the Person Succeed

When supporting someone with dementia, it’s easy to focus on what they’ve lost. But to truly engage them, we also need to see their strength and remaining abilities. These are the building blocks for a life still filled with joy, meaning, and connection.

Don’t Assume They Can’t

Just because a person can’t do something entirely on their own doesn’t mean they can’t do it at all. Avoid stepping in too quickly—many people with dementia can still contribute meaningfully if given the chance.

Break Tasks Into Simple Steps

One of the best ways to help is by breaking activities into small steps. This lets you see parts which they can still manage and parts where they might need support. Whether it’s cooking, dressing, or enjoying a hobby, working together promotes independence and confidence.

Engage With Purpose

Simple, familiar activities—like folding laundry, singing, or gardening—can offer comfort and connection. What matters is that the task is familiar, achievable, and meaningful to them.

Care That Builds Confidence

Dementia care should focus on what’s still possible. By recognizing and nurturing remaining abilities, we help individuals stay involved, valued, and connected.

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